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For there is now a more pervasive form of noise affecting us—the informational kind.

The Net and social media bombard us routinely. And not just with clicks, bells and buzzes. The information overload Georg Simmel decried in has fully arrived. This kind of noise is harder to turn down. It is particularly important during our nights.

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Even if we cannot turn down our neighbor's steroided car stereos, we can control media noise. Do you really need updates every few minutes? Time rules life. Structuring your time around love and work often means structuring the inflow of electronic information.

Noisy at the wrong times by Michael Volpe

Learning what you wish to pay attention to—and when —can make for both better days and nights. The protestants with their "work ethic" should be shot. In fact all religionists should be shot. If anyone tried to share my bed and by inference make any sort of noise at all, I would shoot them! I am very sorry I'm not actually "sorry", but this is a colloquial saying that nobody found your post of any interest to comment on.

Even those spammer "I get 40K per month with this [scam] scheme".

It is noticed consciously, but does the most damage below that threshold. Here we have the "gift" of those ugly religionists again! I also note your "sleep alone" heading. Why the hell has no-one even acknowledged that this is a "thing"? They "did the business" and made an heir and that was it. Monogamy is retarded, sleeping in the same bed is retarded, thinking that you'll never change and be able to live with the same [boring] person is retarded.

As a "race" "humanity" has a lot to learn! This is a feat and a half: let me tell you! Even the merest slight hint of a breath or noise kills the endeavour. Some fuckwit another appropriate colloquialism next to me would have ended any attempt before it started. The experience of lucidly entering another "reality" because that's what it IS is worth almost any payment. Only those who have experienced it will know what I am talking about.

I'm very happy that there is at least one person who has heard the sound of a different drum. To start solving this problem, you need to find where you draw the line between letting something go and engaging in conflict. Finding your "line" means considering how others will react to your choices and how you feel about those results. For example, if you avoid most battles and you're perfectly happy with that, your line may be fine just where it is. If you fight too many battles and upset a lot of people in the process, however, you probably need a behavioral shift.

Roger suggests keeping track and analyzing what happened to figure out what's problematic and what isn't:. I have often had clients use journals or log sheets as ways of doing a "post-game analysis" of days where battles or potential battles occurred. More often than not, similarities emerge across the various sections of each entry after about seven to 10 of them e. Desired changes to our style of choosing battles can then be identified after we have our behavioral baseline. When figuring out where you need to adjust, look for patterns. When you start to see yours emerge, you'll find it much easier to make the necessary behavioral changes and feel better about the battles you pick.

Finding your line of conflict makes the largest difference, and your style of conflict is a personal decision. However, a few commonalities exist in most approaches.


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Roger suggests you should ask yourself this question every time: "is the situation so distressing that it needs to be addressed? Whether you're avoidant or aggressive, it's important to have an answer to this question before deciding how to act upon the situation. Taking the time to answer the question should also help us avoid knee-jerk reactions that usually contain more emotion than rational thinking.

Asking yourself a question, in general, works well because it makes you think. This is especially important when you're feeling emotional. If your emotions get in the way of logic, questions will help draw you back to reality. However, your emotions aren't the only part of the equation. Roger stresses that you ought to consider your relationship with the other party as well:. Is it a relative, employer, friend, etc.? For longer-term calming practices, integrate physical exercise into your weekly routine.

We are all busy, overworked, and short on time, but one way to be the best parent possible is to practice self-care. Self-care can come in the form of yoga, meditation, running, biking, or simply walking.

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Too often, parents fall into bad communication patterns that we may have learned from our own parents when we were growing up. These can include giving our kids the silent treatment, withdrawing from the family, giving overly harsh punishments in the heat of the moment, yelling, making snide or sarcastic remarks, swearing, and name-calling. And keep in mind that you are not just modeling for their childhood and adolescence, but for their adulthood as well. Healthy communication relies on both you and your child being calm, so do not approach them if they are still raging at you or you are still too angry to talk.

For both young children as well as adolescents, keep your comments brief and to the point. Here are some examples:. Please do them now. The consequence for that is that your train now is in time-out for 20 minutes, while you practice better behavior. No more TV for the night.

When you are finished, move on to something else. He shows you exactly how to communicate with your child in ways that are effective and productive. For most parents, the worst part about losing our temper is how we feel afterward.


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Losing our tempers with our kids can lead to significant parenting guilt. Parenting guilt itself can lead us to parent less effectively in the future. Parents who harbor guilt often have difficulty holding their kids accountable in the future. Related content: Am I a Bad Parent? How to Let Go of Parenting Guilt. It is important to realize that all parents do things that they regret. Too often, our own tantrums are born out of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. One way to combat this is to think hard about what is most important. Enforce and address what you can for now and let go of the rest.

For younger kids, there are a lot of daily behaviors that can be frustrating. We all know that kids this age are messy, noisy, and have meltdowns. For middle school and high school kids, the issues may be moodiness, irresponsible behavior, or backtalk. Pinpoint what your family values are and decide what to tackle. Some parents struggle with this, thinking that if they do this they are giving up their power or showing weakness. But ask yourself what it is you want to teach and model to your child about grown-up relationships.